Writing A Poem.Com

Inevitability

2012-01-27T00:01:00.000-08:00

How deep your search for the profound,
How detailed your analysis,
How proud you are of the synthesis of theories
Rolling off the tip of your tongue.
At last you have mastered the subject matter
And everywhere you look there is clarity and form.

But big black death is still an inevitability
And you will need more than clever ideas
To sustain your soul during the last indeterminate years.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

In The Wilderness

2012-01-26T00:01:00.000-08:00

The plaintive cry of the jackalope
Echoes
Through my open motel window,
I cannot sleep.

Who?
Who will lube my aging motor home
Way out here where I wander
In this desolate land without movie rentals?

I wonder,
Not much.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Not My Son

2012-01-24T00:01:00.001-08:00

I thought I saw my son
Staring out the window of a bus,
Bathed in grimy yellow light,
Vacant,
Hopeless.
He looked so much like my son
But this could not be,
Not my son.

I thought I saw my son
Standing outside a supermarket,
Holding a ragged piece of cardboard,
Homeless
Scrawled in large black letters
As if nothing else were needed
To explain his relationship to humanity.
Tired out and expecting little,
He looked so much like my son
But this could not be,
Not my son.

I thought I saw my son
Angling down a crowded city sidewalk
When he should have been in school,
Too skinny,
Clothes too small and worn,
Asking me for spare change.
Tears filled his eyes
When I gave him a twenty dollar bill.
He looked so much like my son
But this could not be,
Not my son,
Not my son.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

In The Waiting Room

2012-01-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

It started with a pain in the stomach,
Digestive problems,
Then a sporadic cough,
Sudden headaches,
Fatigue,
Insomnia,
Anxiety attacks,
Depression,
And here she sits in the waiting room,
Waiting for the doctor to review her test results,
When she already knows,
She knows what’s really wrong,
Just as certainly as she knows
There is no pill she can take
For not being in love.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

In The Eyes Of A Beautiful Stranger

2012-01-23T00:01:00.000-08:00

In the eyes of a beautiful stranger
There is a kind of paradise,
A release
From a life full of things
Too familiar,
Worn out from overuse,
Exhausted by constancy.

In the eyes of a beautiful stranger
There is another life,
Different,
Fresh,
Unknown.

Ah, to awaken one morning
And not know
What the new day will bring.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

In The Early Morning Dark

2012-01-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

In the early morning dark
After the last of my automatic lawn sprinklers
Sinks back beneath the lush lawn turf,
The last valve closing with a pipe-rattling thunk,
Still a few small slugs remain
Nestled in the recess of the sprinkler heads,
Plump with moisture,
While the slap of a newspaper falling on a driveway,
Again, slap, again, slap, again, slap,
Comes closer.

He drives on the wrong side of the street,
Emergency lights flashing,
And delivers the blueprints for Thursday,
This day of Thurs in which we all believe,
Which must always follow Wednesday,
Which must always presage Friday,
Always, slap, always, slap, always, slap.

He drives swiftly, almost recklessly
Beneath the burnt umber street lights,
Confident no children will be outside playing.
We are a predictable people
And need our sleep.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

In Spring

2012-01-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

Something awakens in me
After the long winter slumber of my soul,
This new season
Sending waves of electricity
Through all the paths and bypaths
Of sense and sensation.

I am older now
But I will not give up spring
As so many eventually do,
Who somehow walk undistracted
Up and down streets aflame with it,
Bathed in the glowing light of it,
Old men who hunker down and straighten their ties
And shade their eyes against the glare of it.

I will not give up spring,
This new season,
This rapture,
Everywhere,
Life resurrecting,
Everywhere,
The soil giving birth,
Everywhere,
The cacophony of birds,
Everywhere,
Sun-inspired love and lust,
Everywhere,
Gravity unbound.

I will drink until the well is dry.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

In Prayer

2012-01-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

In prayer
We become the manifestation of God,
The explanation of God,
The delineation of God,
For in prayer we bring the essence of God
Into our lives
Where it changes our purposes,
Our actions.

It is not God the Father,
The majestic, bearded image of divinity,
Who alone intercedes in our lives.
Too much tragedy in this world
To believe a merciful God would
Cover His eyes,
Shield His hearing.

We are the agents of God,
His flesh and bone,
Apostles of mercy.

In prayer,
When we are done with all our asking and apologizing,
After we finally stop talking,
When we finally begin to listen,
The instruction!

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Phantom Pain

2012-01-19T10:22:00.000-08:00

I never quite understood
The stories of amputees,
How they still felt the presence
Of a missing limb.

I never quite understood,
Until I lost you.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Plans Fall Through

2012-01-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

Torn between the soft slumber of safety
And the disturbing danger of desire
I calculate my remaining days and wonder,
Is there meaning here?

There are many who would answer for me,
Who would describe and prescribe,
Who would cleanse my confusion
With a plan.

Plans fall through.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

When Do You Say?

2012-01-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

When you start praying
When do you say:
Now I can put
All my praying away.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Improve The World

2012-01-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

Sit quietly,
Do nothing.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Imagine

2012-01-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

If you are not living the life you imagined,
Imagine the life you are living.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Imaginary

2012-01-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

If your paradise is an artifice of your own creation
Yet you believe you are in paradise,
Feel like you are in paradise,
Isn’t that just as good as imaginary love,
Imaginary love you believe is real,
That keeps you alive and dreaming,
Writing long love letters late at night,
Hoping, always hoping until the oxygen finally runs out?

Even if your heaven is a dream,
You can still live there.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

In My Dark Hours

2012-01-13T10:38:00.000-08:00

In my dark hours,
Deserted,
Miserable,
Without hope of redemption,
In a world grown cold and colorless,
In the depth of my most personal failures,
I hear a soft voice,
Speaking calm words
With tenderness and tenacity,
Slipping through the black curtain
Of my defeat,
Pulling me back to life
From the perilous ledge
Of despair.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Illumination

2012-01-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

Early this morning,
Just a glimpse of golden light
On the peak of a nearby mountain,
Then it was gone,
Still beautiful,
But no longer illuminated.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

A Little Space

2012-01-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

A little space
Is all I need
To sit and rest
And plant a seed,
To someday root
To someday grow
So when I’m old
I’ll someday know.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

If Only I Could

2012-01-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

If only I could give you the joy in my heart,
If all I had to do was place my hand on your shoulder,
Look into your eyes and smile.

If I could give you the joy in my heart
By doing these things,
Then I would come to you now,
Interrupt everything,
Announce to the world:
You, are loved!
Saying it over and over again
Until you finally believed it,
Until you finally believe it,
Until you are filled with love,
Cleansed,
Healed,
Ready to begin again.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

If I Were A Little Badger

2012-01-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

If I were a little badger
I tell you what I’d do
I’d help all the other badgers
Escape from the L.A. Zoo.

We’d go downtown for coffee
And chat the night away
Around the sidewalk tables
At the badger espresso cafe.

We’d have existential rages
And geopolitical despair
Then we’d sneak back to our cages
And pull out all our hair.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

If

2012-01-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

If life were a metaphor
Then the incandescent epiphany
Could rise,
Bloom,
An evening cactus flower,
Jesus alone in the desert
Wrestling with demons.

I awaken,
Late for work.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Idolatry

2012-01-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

They crowd around the dirty window
Where the faintest image of Jesus has appeared,
Standing for hours,
Praying,
Hoping to be blessed,
To be sanctified.

All around the world
The faithful are making pilgrimages,
Pressing their lips to sacred artifacts,
Expecting miraculous transformation,
As if God were in one place
And not another.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Will Sing!

2012-01-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

I could write about a flower,
How it embodies my soul,
The blooming,
The withering away,
Or perhaps a thermometer,
The inconstant mercury,
Any metaphorical device would do,
But not today.

Today I am flesh, blood,
A thousand thousand things.
Today
For some unnameable reason
I am happy.
No more speaking.
Today
I will sing!

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Owl

2012-01-06T00:01:00.001-08:00

Too hot to sleep,
No one to explain myself to,
I take a walk in the humid, cricket-encrusted night.

My neighbors are locked away
Within the sleepy suburban houses I pass silently by,
Enveloped by darkness,
Making my way to the wooded trail
That snakes along their fenced backyards
In the shadows of neighboring moonlit hills.

All at once
An apparition,
Atop a fence post
A great-horned owl.

We have met before.
This is his territory.
I stop to greet him,
To wish him luck on the evening’s hunt,
Not without sympathy for the errant mouse.

His head swivels toward me
And I have no idea what he is thinking,
Whether he is really a he,
Or a she.
Even our bond of solitude
Is my illusion,
For I am wandering through this cloud-shaded night
Like a dream,
Lost in thought,
In abstract contemplation,
While the owl sees every slight movement,
Hears every slight sound,
For the length of his life depends on the evening’s hunt.

The owl widens his eyes as I speak,
Measures my size, distance and movement,
Then lifts soundlessly into the air and away,
Such a wide wingspan,
Moving through the darkness like a prayer,
Nearly invisible,
Then,
Gone,
Almost a full working day
Left until dawn.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Think Of You

2012-01-05T00:01:00.000-08:00

When I grow weary of you,
Thinking of you,
Longing for you,
Resigned to exhaustion and defeat,
I think of you.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I See Them

2012-01-04T00:01:00.000-08:00

There was a rabbit
Loose in the grove.
She taught me how to enter
The silence of its fear
So it would know
My innocence.

There was an old clock
Whose tic and toc
Was heard by those
Who could only imagine me.
She taught me how to travel
Through the sound
Into their hearts.

In spring her orchard was full
Of birds and butterflies.
She pressed her warm fingers
Over my eyes and said:
See from where
All pretty things come.

Her old Siamese
Loved his pie-pan milk
Steaming on the back porch.
One winter he was gone.
I remembered how still he sat
With folded paws
And cloud-blue eyes.

Looking into heaven
He finally found his way,
She whispered,
Close your eyes
And see him.

I see them.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Hardest Part

2012-01-03T10:29:00.000-08:00

The beautiful place in my heart
I never knew was there,
Filled with the light of your love,
The blinding joy of being . . .

That is the hardest part,
Turning off the light,
Closing the door.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Girlish

2012-01-03T00:02:00.000-08:00

Her thoughts are girlish once more,
Though her age is beyond much hope.
Still, the life of her mind is strong.
It sings a dainty song
Not even the mute approach of death can still.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

My Cat

2012-01-03T00:01:00.001-08:00

O the quiet life of my cat,
The empty bliss of this is that.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Saw Her Yesterday

2012-01-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

It’s been over long enough now,
Long enough to go through an entire day
Without the ache of memory,
The stab of loss,
Long enough.

I saw her yesterday.

I could not approach her,
Not even a passing smile,
Just a quick retreat,
Acting against every impulse of my soul,
Starting over again.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Remove The Stone

2012-01-02T00:01:00.001-08:00

In these later years I sometimes despair
When thought returns to unburdened times,
When moist-eyed remembrance,
Sorted from care,
Makes longing for such pleasant fiction
A stone in the heart.

Shamed by my childish discontent,
My sophisticated selfishness,
I hear my breathing,
I see this world,
I remove the stone.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

On This Planet

2012-01-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

I am no scholar,
I have no great learning to pass on.
My job is small,
My contribution
To the advance of civilization,
Slight.
Yet I sit each morning
Sipping hot coffee with newspaper in hand
And pass stern judgment on my country,
Contemplating its sure, swift decline.

I shall soon be transported
Like a moth in a velvet cocoon
Across the freeways
To my place of employment
Where such insignificant labors
Nevertheless earn me food, shelter
And many possessions,
Such as the big-screen television
I will watch long into the night
While the less remarkable planets
Whirl by noiselessly in the dark.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Years Go By

2011-12-31T00:01:00.000-08:00

When you are ten
A year is monumental,
Sometimes devastating,
Certainly life-altering,
Consciousness-shifting,
One-tenth of your severed-umbilical existence.

But oh how we discard the years
As we grow older,
A wasted year here,
A lost year there.

Some of us lose whole decades,
Smothered by bad luck,
Ill health,
Misguided ambitions,
Weakness,
Until in old age we look back
At the children we once were,
That long summer day
When we were truly happy
And wished for nothing.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Knew A Young Man

2011-12-30T00:01:00.000-08:00

I knew a young man
Who drank warm water
Right from the faucet,
From his cupped hand.

Everything he did,
An act of defiance,
An act of strength,
His way through the world.

They sent him to the war
And he didn’t last a week.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Imagine

2011-12-29T00:01:00.000-08:00

I imagine she is reading these words.
I imagine she loves me still.
I imagine she really did love me,
And so I forgive all mistakes,
For I too made so many.
I imagine she wants to be forgiven.

I imagine she has forgiven me.
I imagine she remembers the best part of me,
The best part of us.
I imagine she is learning to let small things
And hard feelings
Go.

I imagine I really did love her.
I imagine I love her still.

I imagined her then,
I imagine her now.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Heard A Bird

2011-12-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

I heard a bird
On the lawn
At dawn,
Though I was asleep
A peep or two
Broke through
My slumbrous state,
So I
Did not hesitate
To imagine myself this bird
And without a word
Or a whistle,
As light as a thistle,
Took flight
And with wondrous gaze
Looked on the Earth below
Through cloud-misted haze
And thought,
How right,
How right!

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Gifts Of Christmas

2011-12-19T13:08:00.000-08:00

1.

A gift,
For me?
Oh you shouldn’t have!

Is it really a selfless expression of your affection?
A gesture of love?
Or an obligation?

Is it genuine?

Does your gift reflect who you think I am?
Who you think I should be?
Perhaps it’s more about who you are,
Who you want me to think you are.

Is it an object of serious intention?
Designed to awaken?
To arouse?
To cause a reaction?
Or is it just for fun,
A playful reminder of the inner child?

Am I taking this too seriously?
Giving too much thought
To what is impersonal?
Is it merely generic?
A gift that says:
We are not close.

Did you wrap it yourself?
With your best paper?
Or was it the tail end of your least favorite roll,
Reserved for those who do not matter?

Have you actually touched this present,
Or did someone else purchase and wrap it for you?
Did it come by mail from a warehouse?

2.

Will those I love most
Disappoint me with thoughtlessness,
Or will I bask in the warmth of their intentions,
However artfully or clumsily conveyed?

Will my more slow-witted relatives
Prove true to my expectations?
Will the superior intelligence of others
Be clearly demonstrated
And make me feel stupid
For the lack of imagination my gifts reveal?

Will the ego of the gift-giver
Overshadow the generosity of the gift?
Or will the giver’s inferiority complex be manifest,
So sadly displayed by the soullessness of what is given?

Will the gift be of use, of value,
Or merely a cheap trifle soon discarded,
Donated to the local thrift shop?

Perhaps the most important gift of all will be absent,
The gift from the one I love most.

Or perhaps after all the wrapping is cleared away,
When the communal ceremony has ceased
And the gift-givers dispersed,
I will steal away to some private place
And press my lips to the gift I treasure above all,
It’s meaning so fervently constructed,
Without form.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

On Christmas Day

2011-12-18T00:01:00.001-08:00

Whose birth do we celebrate on this day?
The living embodiment of God?
The only one?

What about you?
What about me?

Even the tiniest blade of grass struggles toward the light.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Do Not Dream Of You

2011-12-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

I do not dream of you,
For by the time I finally fall asleep
I am exhausted,
Weary of longing for you
Every waking moment.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Recipe

2011-12-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

The two aging kittens grow rougher in their play,
Snap snagging thin sharp claws
On upholstered chairs,
Whizzing calamitous,
Up, down and at all impossible angles
Across the room’s vast terrain.
They launch, skid, tumble and they fly,
Throwing arms and eyes wide,
Fluttering papers,
Toppling stuff,
Skittering across the floor.

My two boys grow more contentious in their play,
Each accusing each of unfair and stupid things.
They shout and mock and pick away
What’s left of childhood’s blossoms,
Scattering them foolishly in aimless paths.

I watch cats and boys with equal awe and confusion,
Wondering what magic recipe stirs us all about,
A mix of chaos and serendipity,
Bolting us headlong into the future
From this too brief interlude of,
Dare I call it,
Bliss?

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Measure And Weigh

2011-12-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

We are a people
Who measure and weigh,
Measure and weigh,
While the moment itself
Slips away.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Am Dead Now

2011-12-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

On the evening of the day before I died
I knew I was doing everything for the last time.

Not too much melancholy,
Not too much regret,
Not too much anticipation,
Just getting ready for a trip.

Consider these words,
Weigh them well,
Ask yourself how I knew.

Someday, you’ll know too.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Am

2011-12-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

I am that which casts shadows,
I am a shadow.

I am a piano, unaware of the one who strikes my keys.

I am the letters on this page,
This thought,
This moment.

I am your disbelief.

I am the thickness of night,
Wrinkling the skin of old dogs,
Pricking the dreams of frightened children.

I am a voice,
Calling out to itself.

I am what answers.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Human Beings

2011-12-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

Oh such comfort we draw
From the old religions,
The old words,
So divinely inspired,
We forget they were written down
By human beings,
So divinely inspired,
Doing their best to reveal
The mind of God,
The will of God,
The judgments of God,
Written down by human beings
Who are not and never will be,
Perfect.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

How Soon We Let Go

2011-12-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

How soon we let go of love
For more practical pursuits.

A discarded hobby,
Love leans against a corner
Of a dark closet,
Gathering dust.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

How Lovely Is Thy Mexican

2011-12-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

How lovely is thy Mexican
Who keeps your garden green,
Who plants the flowers in the spring
Yet who is seldom seen.

Your friends and neighbors never fail
To praise your bounteous bower,
With butterfly and robin’s wing,
You pay five bucks an hour.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Riding

2011-12-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

How alive this young girl
As she tenses lithe legs
Against her strong black stallion,
Shining with the sweat of speed.

Through the windy twigs of distant trees
I watch her pull against the reins
Stiff-backed,
Long hair streaming into the wind.

Now riding faster,
This chestnut-haired girl leans in close.

Pulsing together in full gallop,
They are ecstasy.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

House Of Cards

2011-12-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

Our cherished way of life,
So recently contrived,
Defended with such vigor,
With such zeal,
Inspired by insecurity,
Knowing it is belief,
And only belief,
That keeps this house of cards
From collapse.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Can’t Explain Passion

2011-12-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

I can’t explain passion,
And if I could,
I wouldn’t.

I can’t explain passion,
And if I would,
I shouldn’t.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

How Hard It Is

2011-12-06T00:01:00.000-08:00

How hard it is
To repair the damage
Of an unlucky childhood,
To break the mold,
To reinvent the life
When all the anger
Still echoes.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Home

2011-12-05T00:01:00.000-08:00

So many kinds of love,
And lust,
And love,
But when I first touched your hand,
I knew I was home.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Hero

2011-12-04T00:01:00.000-08:00

I do not want my son to be a hero,
Let him grow to be an ordinary man
Who will marry and have a family,
Who gets by as best as he can.

I do not want my son to be a hero,
Whose name will be read among the honored dead,
Who will be forever young in the picture that is hung
On his empty bedroom wall,
O dear God don’t let him fall
In battle and attack,
Bring him safely back.

I do not want my son to be a hero.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Here To Stay

2011-12-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

My children who've grown older
Have moved away.

Now the children they once were
Are here to stay.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Here, Now

2011-12-02T00:01:00.000-08:00

Earth.
Heaven.
Hell.

Heaven and Hell.

Hell on Earth.
Heaven on Earth.

Heaven and Hell on Earth,

Here,
Now.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Bird Calls

2011-11-30T00:01:00.000-08:00

These birds
Do not appreciate my impersonations,
The whistling,
The forced chirping through pursed lips.
They point their beaks at one another
And tilt their heads sarcastically
As I call:
Here birdy-birdy-birdy.

Incredulous,
They raise their eyes toward the treetops
And sigh,
Tiny puffs of air,
Ruffle a feather or two
And fly.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Enshrined

2011-11-29T11:31:00.000-08:00

The light in her eyes when she sees her love
Illuminated beneath a streetlight,
Knowing their evening of romance has just begun,
Believing it has no end . . .

How quickly they come together,
So tightly embrace,
Looking deep into each other’s eyes,
A long kiss without caring who sees . . .

Their fingers entwine,
Their bodies stay close walking down the sidewalk
Into the enchanted night,
Arm in arm,
Heart in heart . . .

When I see them I think of you,
Of our eternal moments together,
Alive within me still,
Enshrined.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Here On Earth

2011-11-29T00:01:00.000-08:00

Here on Earth,
God sees through our eyes.
Here on Earth,
God works with our hands.
Here on Earth,
We are the conscience of God.

Yet you ask,
Why does God not see?
Why does God not act?
Where is God’s mercy?

Look within your heart.

Each of us is called.
Each of us must answer.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Defiance

2011-11-28T08:56:00.000-08:00

I did not volunteer for this duty,
Sentinel of pain,
And in my lowest moments I protest,
Knowing such protestations do no good,
Yet anger feels appropriate,
If only to maintain some kind of balance,
Some kind of defiance.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Professorial

2011-11-27T00:04:00.000-08:00

He may actually believe in philosophy,
That a systematic philosophical argument can prove God exists,
That the mysteries of the heart are susceptible to reason,
That he will awaken from distress by way of intellectual inquiry.

So much to consider as he continues his search,
Wandering through the labyrinth of postulation
So late into the night,
Alone and wide awake,
Missing her.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Love Is A Vibration

2011-11-26T10:17:00.000-08:00

His pocket is vibrating,
On and off all day long
With messages of love
From his eager new girlfriend,
Vibrating with urgency
On his cell phone.

But he is at work
And cannot stop.
Besides,
The words don’t matter.
The vibration is enough.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Heidi Ho

2011-11-26T00:01:00.000-08:00

There is a little dog I know
His name is Heidi Ho,
He lives where red grapes
Rot on the vines,
Where gypsy used car dealers
Moan low
With their squishy gypsy missies.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Heaven And Hell

2011-11-25T00:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes this peaceful suburban landscape
Seems like heaven.

I am momentarily reprieved
And the people in my tiny town glow,
Translucent arcs of light
Moving about their daily tasks.

We stop and talk a while.

Hell returns.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Heart Of The World

2011-11-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

I give you my heart,
Which is the heart of the world.

It was yours before I gave it to you,
Yours when you were lost,
Yours when you loved,
Yours when you cried.

I give you my heart,
Which is the heart of the world.

It is yours without my giving,
Yours when you are strong,
Yours when you are weak,
Yours awakening in you.

I give you my heart,
Which is the heart of the world.

Look!
Within your hearing,
Within your sight,
Within and without,
Everywhere,
It is the heart of the world,
And I give it to you.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Angelic

2011-11-23T10:46:00.000-08:00

I used to think angels were perfect,
Unstained,
Untouched by human frailty,
Until,
In a low moment
An angel comforted me,
The kind of comfort only an angel could bring,
An angel who knows what it is to be human,
Who knows what it is to fail.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Hate

2011-11-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

If you are taught to hate,
If you embrace hate,
If you carry hate in your heart,
Then you will awaken each morning with hate,
Sleep each evening with hate,
Dream of hate.

Such a heavy burden,
This all-embracing anger,
This desire for violence,
This vengeance.

When you dream of a perfect world,
When you imagine yourself in paradise,
Where is hate?

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Hangin’ Onto The Ozone

2011-11-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

My feet don’t seem to stick
No more to the floor,
They don’t.

Oh sure,
I can walk down the street,
But I’m hangin’ on for dear life.

Any minute now
That street come slippin’ out from under,
Me hangin’ onto the ozone
So I don’t fall
All the way
To the moon.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Safe

2011-11-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

First comes passion,
Then all the talking,
The explaining,
The rationalizing,
The figuring things out
While passion is silently put
Into the small golden box
With the other keepsakes,
Safe.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Guru

2011-11-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

When my cat sits on my lap,
Forcing stillness upon me,
I hear the distant barking of a neighborhood dog,
The sudden chirping of squabbling birds,
Footsteps down the hall,
The ticking of a clock,
The whoosh of a passing car,
A door softly opened
Then closed,
An airplane,
The scratching of this pen against this paper,
The smell of ink,
The movement of my toes,
The tempo of my breathing,
The sudden absence of sound,
The weight of silence.

When my cat sits on my lap
She reminds me I am living in a world
Of sense and sensation,
My furry little guru.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Smothered

2011-11-18T01:14:00.000-08:00

O my love you are constant
Yet incorporeal.
You have inhabited those I’ve loved
But their wills proved too strong,
Smothering you with petty practicalities.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Got No

2011-11-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

I ain’t got no,
Ain’t got no
I ain’t got no,
Ain’t got no.

I ain’t got no
Got no
No no no.

Got no
Got no
No no no.

No no no,
Ain’t got no,
No got no,
Grammar.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

God's Little Figures

2011-11-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

And it was said,
Let us make God in our image,
After our likeness,
And He shall have dominion over all the Earth,
And God we created he Him,
In our image,
From our spirit,
And we so exalted God
We came to believe He created we us,
In His image,
Individual and separate,
God’s little figures,
Made out of clay.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

God Dog

2011-11-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

Once there was a small brown dog who loved God.
He loved God so much
He decided to change his name
To God,
God Dog,
The 1st.

Then,
He began to pee on the furniture
Without restraint.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Go Gently

2011-11-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

Go gently into that good night
For it is no darkened sleep
That comes in the passing there,
No closing of the day,
No dying of the light.

Go gently into that good night
For you have received the gift
And have no need to complain.

Life goes on
In ways we cannot imagine.
Life goes on
In ways we cannot explain.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Give Me The Passing Stranger

2011-11-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

Happiness Has Wings

2011-11-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

The Gentleness Has Gone

2011-11-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

The gentleness has gone from our lives,
We are too busy for it now.
Our lives are loud, brash and bold
And our children grow up without parents,
Playing on cement.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Filling

2011-11-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

When at last the lover leaves intensive care,
All is a fragile balance on the edge of relapse.
One must re-learn the enjoyment of simple things:

The bitter spark from a cup of coffee,
The sweetness of sugar on the tip of the tongue,
The penetrating warmth of the sun
Shimmering through the crisp afternoon breeze,
The pleasure of another hour,
Another day,
Filling, filling, filling
That dark and dangerous place
Where love was.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Game

2011-11-07T00:01:00.001-08:00

Free Fall

2011-11-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

You and I are not content,
We want what we do not have.

We are acquisitive by nature,
A long line of hunter-gatherers.

We want what we want.

You and I will never be happy
Until we get what we cannot have,
For desire is a free fall.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

For Schopenhauer

2011-11-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

Show me your sun-drenched sprigs of winter,
The juniper bug as he howls,
The rise and fall of oatmeal
In the misty dawn of a burgeoning wahoo!

Show me these things,
My sweet, bare-faced darling,
And I shall inherit your property
With the gay abandon
Of love’s lost moth at eventide.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Fly

2011-11-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Here,
In this beautiful world,
A fly is trapped in my house.

Trapped.

It's buzzing madly against the window glass,
Certain there must be an opening,
Beckoned by the light of the outside world,
The outside world,
Just a fraction of an inch away,
An impenetrable fraction of an inch.

Here,
In this beautiful world,
Where all things are possible,
This Garden of Eden where life explodes,
Where love and hate contend,
Where joy, real joy is actually possible,
A fly is trapped in my window.

I get a clear plastic cup,
Reserved for such rescues,
And capture the exhausted creature,
Gently sliding a square of cardboard beneath
To prevent escape.

Here,
In this dangerous world,
Where evil survives and babies die,
A fly was trapped in my house
And I opened the door,
And I let it go.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Sympathy

2011-11-03T23:27:00.000-07:00

First Impressions

2011-11-03T00:01:00.002-07:00

The Final Question

2011-11-03T00:01:00.001-07:00

Haunted

2011-11-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Something moves
Within these walls,
Something,
Here,
Now,
With me,
In this room.

I fear this sorrow,
This dark, thick melancholy,
Singing ragged and out of tune,
Stuck,
Obsessed,
Familiar.

Something moves
Within,
Something,
Here,
Now,
A face in the mirror
That knows me,
That is not mine.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Fathers And Daughters

2011-11-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

O sweet child,
Father wants you to be happy
And will buy you many pretty things
And dust your life with confectioners’ sugar
And keep the world away
For at least another day.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Will

2011-10-31T09:33:00.000-07:00

How long is a moment?
To a baby?
To a star?

Our lives are a collection of moments,
Falling through time,
Falling even through death,
All the way into eternity.

This place is a moment,
Even the universe is a moment,
For all that is not permanent shall pass,
And all that passes is momentary.

So tell me,
What is permanent?

Everywhere I look,
Everything I learn,
All that I know tells me
The most permanent thing of all,
Will.

Even after our expanding universe is pulled apart,
Stretched into a soupy, cosmic protoplasm,
Some sort of microbe will struggle to exist,
To persist,
Either in this dilapidated universe
Or in some other, younger place.

It’s what pushes a single blade of grass
Out of the ground
Toward the light of our dying star.
It’s what awakens us each morning
And sends us out into this particular world.
It’s the most eternal thing I know,
Will.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Reassembly

2011-10-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

In the middle of being busy,
Did you ever stop,
Struck suddenly by the feeling of meaninglessness?

I stopped,
And for a moment of extinguished hope
Contemplated the futility of my life,
Considered the finality of death that ceases all striving.

Then I made myself another cup of coffee,
Added a spoonful of sweet cocoa powder,
And felt happy holding this warm drink in my hand,
Returning to the tasks at hand,
All the many reasons reassembling.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Falling Asleep

2011-10-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

When thoughts blur into one another
And edges soften,
Places lose their place
And words all run with so
For understand if nothing when
You startle awake,
Surprised you were asleep,
And awake is so uncomfortable,
A confusing dream,
And asleep is just fine
At last
For now in soft clouds
Where nothing is individual:
Good-bye . . .

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Falling

2011-10-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

I pause for a moment,
Breathe deeply,
And try to consider my infatuation for you
In the cold, clear-headed light of reason,
And at last
I begin to see you as just another person.
I watch you from a distance
And see that you are not unlike others
Who come and go within my gaze
Without stirring my emotions so.

Then you see me and say hello.

I come closer and take your hand,
Look into your eyes,
And all reason disappears.

No direction,
No gravity,
No time of day,
Falling, falling, falling.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Failure And Success

2011-10-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

What seems so clearly to be failure
Will turn out to be part of what happened.
What seems so clearly to be success
Will turn out to be part of what happened.
The story of your life is so much more complex
Than the simple words:
Failure,
Success.

Leave this shorthand to the obituary writers
Who are compelled to sum up a life
In cold, calculating column inches.

Do not dwell on failure.
Do not dwell on success.
Live in the heart of each moment
And behold the terrible majesty of it all.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Love Is Not Like

2011-10-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

My love is not like anything,
For “like” lacks the arrow of truth
That strikes the heart,
Sending electric pain through every synapse,
Pain that is not the love,
My love,
That is not like anything,
For “like” lacks the chemistry of truth
That spikes giddy euphoria in the brain,
Euphoria that is not the love,
The love which is the cause of effect,
The love which cannot be contained
In words.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Exposed

2011-10-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

It’s not in the words,
All the words we say to each other.
It’s not in the obligations,
All the obligations we place on each other.
It’s not in the memories,
All the memories we keep of each other.

It’s not in the past,
Not in the future.
It’s here,
In this moment,
In this embrace,
Exposed.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Was Flying

2011-10-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

I was flying,
Swift and sure
With the lift of a hand,
A miracle on demand.

But more than the addictive bliss
Of flight,
Or the intoxication
Of height,
I was most proud
Of my position above the crowd,
Most proud
And most alone.
I was the only one.

Out of loneliness I descended
And flew closely by,
Urging all to try.

But not one would leave the ground,
So sadly I ascended
And flew once more above them,
Unnoticed,
Without sound.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Exercise Day

2011-10-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

There he goes,
This pasty glob of goo,
Jogging a little,
Now walking,
His shorts too tight,
His T-shirt too small,
His head bowed and dripping with sweat.

It’s early Saturday morning,
Exercise day,
And he trudges down the street
In this quiet, upper-middle-class burb
Listening to music
Through tiny earphones,
The same exact music
He listened to thirty years ago.

It’s exercise day
And by God he’s going to make it
All the way around the misshapen loop
That belts his neighborhood.
He restarts a slow jog,
His floppy white hat is damp
From his sweaty, hair-challenged head.

It’s exercise day
And he is determined to run
The rest of the way home
Where he will reward his valor
With a piece of cake
In a bowl of milk.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Everything I Say Is A Lie

2011-10-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

We’re all pretty much the same
Except for those who are different,
But then most of us are different once in a while,
Which makes us all pretty much the same,
Except for those who are only sometimes the same
And mostly different,
Along with those who will be different most of the time
After years and years of being mostly the same.

Some of the others will be the same as they were
And continue to shift back and forth,
While still others among them
Will sometimes be different and the same simultaneously.

Some will think they’re different yet remain the same,
While others will think they’re the same,
Not realizing how different they truly are.

Many will hardly think about these things at all.

As for me,
I guess I’m pretty much like everybody else,
Trying in vain to be the same,
Yet not really that much different at all.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Eternity

2011-10-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

Enthusiasms

2011-10-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

When we made love
You may not have anticipated
I would write it down
And send copies out into the world.

You may have thought
It was no one else’s business.

You are right,
Of course.

But I just can’t help myself,
Love’s enthusiasms being what they are.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Enough

2011-10-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

I saw a boy riding his bicycle
Deep in some imagination
Without any bills or job or wife
Or children or war to worry about.

He did not know he was in heaven.
He did not need to know.
Being there was enough.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Long Meeting

2011-10-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

Rehearsed expressions of passion
Go on
And on
While whispers scatter about
Like dead leaves blowing
Across a fallow field.

A man stands up and leaves the room,
Another stands and stays.

A woman too old for her curled hair
Follows her purse out of the room.

But most of us stay
And cough
And listen to the sound
Of a small airplane
Lifting someone high into night
Above the twinkling light
That looks so charming from afar.

Here we are.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Elders

2011-10-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

How blurred our ancient lives
In the sure, fixed gaze of youth,
Our lives filled with suffering
And precaution.

Live now!
Shout the young,
And when they die
In some orgiastic frenzy of being,
We shake our heads and click our tongues
Knowingly,
As if we were never young,
As if we had never longed for flight.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved